The Queen
by Nellie Potter
Summary: Short character study of Erica Sayers. How does someone who is mentally ill take care of someone who is mentally ill? She can't. Warning: language


Hey everyone! So, I love this movie and watched a few interviews and thus, this little character study was born! Inspired by Barbara Hershey talking about her character, Erica Sayers and asking how does she take care of someone who's mentally ill when she herself isn't mentally stable as well.

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Character Study:

Erica Sayers

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She had done so much in her lifetime. She had been a brilliant dancer and had a life that anyone would envy. Erica couldn't have been happier with the way things had turned out for her.

And then it started going downhill.

It started with a man. A man who promised to be by her side forever. He had been the perfect gentleman. Then Erica came to learn that gentlemen weren't always nice.

They were supposed to get married. They were supposed to live happily ever after, like in the fairy tales Erica used to read as a child. He was supportive of her dancing and showed her great affection. But as soon as he had found out that they'd be having a child together, he

(_I'm sorry, Erica, but I just can't do this; I'm not ready_)

left her, forcing Erica to fend for herself.

Erica always told Nina that she gave up her career for her. And that was true. But it wasn't always about

(_my sweet girl_)

Nina. Erica gave up her career for herself, too. She had no other choice. She needed a steady job and even though she had been a beautiful dancer, no one looked graceful doing a plie with a swollen belly. So Erica left the company, mainly to save face; to save herself from embarrassment. She didn't need the whole company to know that the father of her child had abandoned her.

In the end, it had been for Nina. Everything had been for her daughter. It was no longer Erica's life; it belonged to Nina. And if her life belonged to Nina, she was going to make sure it was perfect.

Even the paintings were about Nina. Erica used to draw beautiful landscapes. Her favorite scenes to draw and paint were ones that took place in the winter, with snow gently falling.

And then Nina

(_my sweet girl_)

took over. Nina, who gave Erica a reason to smile again. Nina, who was going to live the dream that Erica had to give up. Nina, who fucking ruined her career and her life!

Still, Erica went through life, smiling and being the supportive mother everyone expected her to be. She helped Nina to the top, all the while slowly and subtly bringing her down. It was all done discreetly, of course. Little things, like limiting her privacy and coddling her. It was Erica's version of revenge; loving revenge.

But her darling dearest Nina started fighting back. The little bitch grew defiant, going out late at night and scratching when she knew she wasn't supposed to. Oh the scratching, how Erica hated it! Couldn't Nina see how it was ruining her? She did, Erica was sure of that. Why else would Nina do it? She was trying to ruin herself as a defiant act. Ungrateful little cunt.

Even so, Erica loved her. She loved Nina with all her heart. How could she not adore

(_my sweet girl_)

the monster she helped to create?

She could see what Nina was going through. It wasn't just the role that drove Nina over the edge. It was everything. Nina was turning into her, and that overjoyed and terrified Erica.

Erica knew that she, herself, wasn't well. There were issues, issues that she refused to treat. And Nina was falling into that same dark abyss of insanity. The question was: how did someone who was mentally unstable take care of someone who was mentally unstable?

That was a question that Erica refused to acknowledge for the longest time. She didn't need to acknowledge it; she was a good mother! And even though the question went ignored for all of Nina's life, Erica knew the answer during the opening night of Swan Lake.

She couldn't.

That was the answer to the question. She couldn't take care of Nina. Not anymore. That stupid, dearest bitch abandoned her. So typical of Nina to commit an act of such selfishness; she was just like

(I'm sorry, Erica, but I just can't do this; I'm not ready)

her father, the father that abandoned them both.

Had she failed as a mother? Erica didn't think so. Nina had died doing what she loved, she died after giving the perfect performance; she had died happy. And that was all Erica ever wanted: Nina's happiness.

And Erica was finally free. Her life no longer revolved around her sweet girl.

She was finally free.


End file.
